I have so many friends who constantly jump from guy to guy within a matter of a few weeks. For what reason? Are they actually that afraid to be alone? Does being single scare you? For whatever reason it sometimes feels like society is pressuring us to be with someone, to waste away our days constantly texting, wanting to love and be loved.
I have never been the one to jump from boyfriend to boyfriend, its just not my thing. The way I see it, I need time to let go of someone else fully before moving on to someone else. Its always nice having someone to text you good morning, ask how your day is going or even cheer you up when you are having a rough day but are you really happy? Are you happy knowing you may still have feelings for someone else while jumping into something new?
How many times have you been asked out by someone assuming they just wanted to hangout but in all actuality it was for more than that? How many times has a casual fling turned into something real? Probably not that often…is it mixed messages? Or is it because we live in the hookup culture? (as defined by Google: the hookup culture is one that accepts and encourages casual sexual encounters including one night stands without the necessity of emotional bonding or long-term commitment).
How many times have you personally tried to read your guy’s messages and instantly felt confused? Probably a million times, do we ever actually know what a guy is trying to say or are we insistent on trying to decipher the messages they are giving us?
When it comes to guys, sometimes they are just oblivious and don’t even realize they are sending mixed messages. Sometimes they are simply just busy and don’t have the time to text you back for a few hours, days, weeks, even months (if you are still waiting after a few weeks I think you need to re-evaluate the situation and realize he is not coming back). What I have learned is stop over-analyzing every message he sends you, before answering him back right away wait before you send something you may regret whether it is confronting him on why he hasn’t answered you back or accusing him of something he may not have done.
I have had my fair share of shitty relationships and I mean downright shitty but none hurt more than the barely there guy or the vanishing act as some would call it. It all started on Tinder, I mean who hasn’t used Tinder to try and find someone? Well I thought I had found this awesome guy who wasn’t trying to tell me some sex story, or the casual guy trying to play it cool to get what he wants. No, my guy wasn’t like that, he was funny, smart, attractive and we spent hours talking, even days.
Everything was going well, we were talking non-stop, we even hung out and he was the first guy who actually wanted to drink tea with me. He was astonished by how many teas I could fit into my cupboard and that I actually drank them. Just being there with him felt right, even when he kissed me goodnight it felt right. After that we would talk all the time until suddenly everything just stopped. He was gone. I remember sending countless messages to Facebook and his phone. Nothing, still nothing.
We have all had that heartbreaking goodbye to a loved one, a friend, family member or even a pet. It stings like hell at first but somehow you come to peace with the event and slowly start to heal yourself with time. But what about the goodbye’s that we never come to peace with? What about the goodbye that you never got to say? The one with no closure.
I have known for over six years that I will always love my ex, no matter how many times I try to move on, no matter how many people I start to build relationships with, he is the relationship I will compare the others to. No, it’s not fair to everyone else but when you are with someone for that long it becomes normal. People have always told me “you can do better, you deserve better” but honestly there is no point in saying I deserve better, everyone should be defined as equal no matter what they do or do not deserve. Read More »