How many times have you been asked out by someone assuming they just wanted to hangout but in all actuality it was for more than that? How many times has a casual fling turned into something real? Probably not that often…is it mixed messages? Or is it because we live in the hookup culture? (as defined by Google: the hookup culture is one that accepts and encourages casual sexual encounters including one night stands without the necessity of emotional bonding or long-term commitment).
It all started when I met (lets call him Dale), he was charming and funny, he liked to be sarcastic. Dale first flat out told me “I don’t want a relationship, I just got out of a long term commitment but I want to see what there is“. So I said I was cool with it, but as our texting progressed so did Dale, he became more open and I told him about my plans of eventually going to Law School like I had always planned. The moment I said this he said “don’t leave me” …uhm? So you don’t want a relationship but you don’t want me to leave either? This whole week he has been asking me to hangout and saying “I can’t wait to see you” basically what everyone wants to hear when they start talking to someone new…but like every guy I talk to there is always a catch. The “lets fool around” kind of comment when you are too horny to keep it in your pants.
Chivalry is dying
Lets face it, its impossible to find anyone these days who hasn’t asked you to send him pics, fool around while hanging out or is just looking for a one night stand. What ever happened to Romeo? Because we live in the hookup culture of having no strings attached it automatically assumes one thing, we are objects of sexual affection.
The hookup culture allows everything to be low-risk, meaning there are not those painful breakups, you are guaranteed to have less rejection than trying to take things to the next level. Some people fear that if they are in a friends-with-benefits relationship that there is a chance if one decides to take it to the next level they may lose that person forever.
Hopefully one day ladies, you find that man who has a pair of balls that is willing to take that sacrifice for someone special.
If we have hookups, why are we still lonely?
Even when we find that person to spend the night with, we are still lonely. Sex with them just feels empty knowing they will be gone the next day, or next month when they find someone else to go after. Finding a guy who treats us like a priority instead of an option in a rare person to find and even still we are always searching for something or someone better.
Has anyone ever told you they felt a real connection with someone they hooked up with? Or was it just amazing sex that we try to fill the void in our hearts with it to seem like everything is okay when really we just have sex to feel less alone.
Bring back traditional dating
I personally have only ever been on three dates in my life. The first and last were romantic as hell, going to the falls and just being with that person for a few hours was really enjoyable. But what the hell is this “lets watch a movie at my house when my rents aren’t home” date type thing? No, that is simply an excuse to skip the whole dating scene and move straight to sex.
Why traditional dating is important. First off, it allows you to actually know someone, yes the awkward first date is on everyones mind but at least it allows you to know whether it is worth having the second date or not.
What is wrong with taking a chance on someone? In one of my recent failed relationships my guy never deleted his Tinder account in fear of missing out, everyone likes to have options but this is the 21st century and maybe its time we learned a few things when it came to our parents. They were without the Internet, they found each other without using POF or Tinder, they went on traditional dates, they were able to take that chance, so why can’t we?
Take a chance, you never know what might happen