Dear Barely there guy


I have had my fair share of shitty relationships and I mean downright shitty but none hurt more than the barely there guy or the vanishing act as some would call it. It all started on Tinder, I mean who hasn’t used Tinder to try and find someone? Well I thought I had found this awesome guy who wasn’t trying to tell me some sex story, or the casual guy trying to play it cool to get what he wants. No, my guy wasn’t like that, he was funny, smart, attractive and we spent hours talking, even days.

Everything was going well, we were talking non-stop, we even hung out and he was the first guy who actually wanted to drink tea with me. He was astonished by how many teas I could fit into my cupboard and that I actually drank them. Just being there with him felt right, even when he kissed me goodnight it felt right. After that we would talk all the time until suddenly everything just stopped. He was gone. I remember sending countless messages to Facebook and his phone. Nothing, still nothing.

I finished my year of journalism school and unfortunately returned home because the path I was taking wasn’t going to lead to where I wanted to end up. I ended up going to my local university to finish the last 2 years of my degree. Slowly I got back into my routine of not talking to guys unless they messaged me first and started focusing on myself. I dated a few other people but unfortunately sometimes good things just come to an end. At the start of second semester I started seeing the guy I lost touch with more. I’d see him every Thursday around 11am in the hallway, but what was I supposed to say “hey how are you?”, “hey do you remember me?”. No, so I just walked away hoping he wouldn’t recognize me.

However, during exams he texted me for the first time in over a year. I remember being surprised to hear from someone who had just vanished, so I texted back. And then it was as if we had never stopped, he made up the excuse of never checking his Facebook and never receiving my messages and I fell for it. It wasn’t until three weeks ago I knew that he wasn’t coming back, he had left on a trip with his buddies to the states and before he left he said “I miss you and we’ll hangout soon”. You may think I am just being over dramatic about this but you can’t just tug my heartstrings, tell me you miss me and then vanish again like its no big deal.

A good friend of mine recently explained it to me, when she met her fiancée there was no mixed messages, her fiancée was straight-forward about what he wanted. Instead of being left wondering if that person will ever text you back and if they still feel the same way. If you have ever watched the movie “He’s just not that into you” it explains clear as day what men want and need out of relationships. If he doesn’t have the time to text you or try to explain himself, he isn’t worth your time. Unfortunately most people learn this the hard way and like Hilary Duff said to Chad Michael Murray in A Cinderella Story – waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointingKeep this in mind the next time someone you like goes MIA, unless there is a valid reason it isn’t worth investing your time into. And always remember never wait for someone because in the end they may decide you weren’t important enough to keep.




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